Family Guide
Thursday, 09 July 2009 06:07
Written by Daisy Wakefield

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Many expats live in lavish villas and gated compounds that can lock them into a small world and isolate them from the Chinese community. This may be comforting for those arriving in China and needing the familiarity of a living space that is like home. But what is an expat to do when the desire arises to fly out of the gilded cage, to emerge and engage with our host country’s citizens?

Over the course of its long history, China has not always been especially welcoming to foreigners, and an ingrained distrust of outsiders can still sometimes be felt. Chinese kids have been known to rebuff foreign children from playing with them, or conversely, be prodded by parents to befriend foreign kids only to improve their English abilities.

Many expats live in lavish villas and gated compounds that can lock them into a small world and isolate them from the Chinese community. This may be comforting for those arriving in China and needing the familiarity of a living space that is like home. But what is an expat to do when the desire arises to fly out of the gilded cage, to emerge and engage with our host country’s citizens?

Over the course of its long history, China has not always been especially welcoming to foreigners, and an ingrained distrust of outsiders can still sometimes be felt. Chinese kids have been known to rebuff foreign children from playing with them, or conversely, be prodded by parents to befriend foreign kids only to improve their English abilities.

The attitudes run both ways, however. Some expats develop a disdainful attitude to Chinese people, forgetting that they are guests in the country. Sadly, such attitudes easily passes onto the kids, who can become small haughty colonialists.

Certainly there are hurdles in the quest for relationships with the local community, but they are not insurmountable. It will take some persistence to penetrate into the Chinese world, but the result is worth it. Chinese friends are loyal to the core, and commit to long-lasting relationships.

Chinese relationships grow along natural lines of family and work. Friendships tend to sprout from the extension of networks that are already in place, especially in busy Shanghai. Thus it may take a few tries to feel like there’s a connection with someone, but keep at it. Given that you’ve made it all the way to China, the possibilities are really good that you can make a Chinese friend.


Ideas for initiating friendships:
Start with work relationships: invite a co-worker and his or her family over for dinner. They will certainly reciprocate, and you may have a blossoming friendship after a few get togethers.

Another possibility for friendships are right within your compound or building. If your child has hit it off with a Chinese friend at the playground, invite them over for a play date. Or ask the person you keep bumping into at the fitness club over for coffee.

Your home country’s holidays may offer another opportunity to get to know people.  For our family’s first Christmas in Shanghai, we went to every home in our building with a Christmas card and a homemade loaf of banana bread. This gesture was initially met with some hesitancy, but opened the doors so wide that by the next Christmas we had a holiday open house for all of our friends in the building.

If your child attends local programs or schools, get involved and initiate activities with the other parents.

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